Untitled Castlevania fic
by Adrastia
Summary: Alucard, Richter and Maria get attacked by a mysterious apple thrower while walking through an orchard for some bizarre reason...


For no particular reason at all, Alucard, Maria and Richter were taking a moonlit stroll through an apple orchard when suddenly....  
  
WHAM!  
  
An apple flew by and hit Richter in the face.  
  
"AHH!" He screamed in his usual "way too exited to be so close to a hot, bishounen vampire love god" voice. "Some %@$#! threw an apple at me!"  
  
"Well it wasn't me!" Maria said.  
  
"Nor was it me," Alucard added, looking around. "And you should not speak that way in front of a lady, Richter."  
  
"Oh go #^%&*#@$ and %*@#!!!!" Richter yelled, rubbing an apple-shaped bruise that was now quite prominate on his forehead. "Someone threw an apple at me, dammit!"  
  
"Well we all know that!" Maria answered, annoyed.  
  
"Good then!" Richter replied. "Now let's go kick his ass!"  
  
"What if it was a she?" Maria asked.  
  
"Well then we'll kick her ass!" Richter yelled. "Let's go!"  
~~~  
  
So the three of them went looking for the mysterious apple thrower....  
  
Then....  
  
WHAM!  
  
"AHH!!!" Maria screamed. "Someone threw an apple at me!!!" Then she thought slyly, "Heheh... If I play maiden in distress for Alucard..."  
  
Quickly she sunk to the ground and began crying. She clutched her head in her hands and began to tremble. Alucard rushed to her side.  
  
"Are you alright, Maria?" He asked, taking a healing potion out of wherever it is he keeps the hundreds of items he lugs around with him (I'm not sure if I want to know).  
"Drink this, my lady."  
  
"Hey!" Richter said. "How come you didn't give me a healing potion? And how come no one asked me if I was alright!?"  
  
Alucard ignored him as he handed Maria the little, blue bottle.  
  
When she was finished her apple-induced bruise was gone. But she pretended to stumble as she arose so Alucard would help her.  
  
"Here, allow me to assist you," Alucard said softly, offering her his hand.  
  
By this time Richter was hopping mad. "Of all the... Am I even @%#$! here? Where's my $%*@*!!!! potion?!"  
  
Alucard spun around quickly after helping Maria. He glared sharply at Richter. "I'd advise you to watch your language in mixed company!"  
  
"Yeah..., whatever," Richter mumbled, walking on ahead of them. He was red with rage and a tad green with envy.  
~~~  
  
"Hmm... We've been wandering around for awhile," Maria finally said after a good five minutes of silence. "So far, no one's been hit..."  
  
Then, out of nowhere...  
  
WHAM!  
  
"AHH!!!!" Alucard cried. "Someone threw an apple at me!"  
  
Quickly Maria rushed over and kissed his head. "Oh.... Alucard...."  
  
When the beautiful son of Dracula returned her kiss he was pelted with yet another apple.  
  
"That's it!" He cried, full of fury. "Whoever you are, show yourself!"  
  
At this point Maria pretended to be hit by a stray apple and cried out. As Alucard comforted her and seached for another potion.  
  
WHAM!  
  
Richter was hit by yet another apple. Alucard was too absorbed with Maria to notice.  
The young vampire hunter was furious.  
  
"Dammit!" Richter screamed. "I just got hit by another %#*&@#!!!!! apple! Now I have two %^@#***!!! bruises! Dammit, Alucard! Aren't you even listening! That little tramp is just pretending to be hurt so you'll pay attention to her!"  
  
"How dare you say such a thing!" Alucard said, his eyes flashing with anger. "Did I not warn you that I would not tolerate your language in front of Maria? How dare you speak that way to her. Were you raised by barbarians?!"  
  
"How dare you call the Belmont family barbaric you blood sucking freak!" Richter cried.  
  
"Hey," Alucard said, "Atleast I was raised to have manners!"  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Bring it on!"  
  
Richter and Alucard were about to fight when suddenly....  
  
WHAM!  
WHAM!!!!  
WHAM!!!!!!!  
WHAM!!!!!!!!!!  
  
All three of them were hit with a barrage of apples. Alucard whipped out his Crisaegrim and Richter.... He uhh... Whipped out his whip!  
  
Alucard was slicing and dicing apples while Richter was really just trying to sneak a shot in on Maria for pissing him off.  
  
Then suddenly.... It stopped.  
  
"Huh?" Maria said, puzzled. "What happened?"  
  
"I have no idea....," Alucard answered, equally puzzled. I sense a spirit at work, perhaps something else... But... It's gone now.  
  
"But my bruises aren't!" Richter yelled. "How about a potion, Alucard?"  
  
The vampire sighed. "Fine...,"  
He then reached into wherever he keeps all of those items (well, he does wear like five layers of clothes so he probably has alot of pockets. But still...)  
  
After about a minute he stopped looking and shook his head. "Sorry, Richter. I'm all out. I must have given the last two potions to Maria."  
  
"What the hell did you do that for! I'm the one with two bruises!"  
  
Alucard sighed. "It's a little something called chivalry, Richter. But... I guess you wouldn't understand...."  
  
And with that said, Alucard took Maria's hand and they walked off ahead of Richter, who trailed behind growling to himself and muttering obceneties.  
~~~  
  
And somewhere at the farthest end of the orchard there was a black-clad girl named Adrastia sitting on a high branch of an old apple tree.  
"Damn...," she said, taking a bite out of an apple. "I hope that Alucard knows that I was aiming for Maria and not him... Curse my lousy aim!"  
  
THE END! (aren't you glad it's over?) 


End file.
